The Memories of a Forbidden Child
by Ruka Jaganshi
Summary: Look who's talking! It's baby Hicchan! His POV about how he was threwn off those particular snowy cliffs.


**The Memories of a Forbidden Child**

It has been quite a few weeks since I was born to this world. I know it because I'm a clever child.

Well, it is a bit dark; somehow I feel it shouldn't be this way. But I can see some light once or twice a day, as well as your face. Are you my mom? I think so, since you give me food. Your face is always so worrisome, especially when you take me out from this dark and narrow place to hold me in your arms for a while. I always feel you tense at every little noise coming from outside. I personally don't really care; I keep drinking because I know that what has to happen will happen in time anyway.

I am not always allowed to drink myself full; sometimes, when footsteps come closer, you quickly put me back into the dark, giving me a scared, shaky smile before you cover me again.

I never cry, because you asked me not to. Well, not only because of that. If I would feel like crying, of course I would do so. But I am fine here. It is nice and comfortable, I can endure it a while longer. But when you come to me next time, I will let them know that I am here. Because you don't give me what I truly deserve. You treat me like a normal baby, although you know I am something else.

Say, mom: I am special, aren't I? I am different from the other babies your kind has in their every thousandth year. I know I am cursed. I am a curse myself. I heard Rui tell it to you in a low voice. You slapped her for that, and you also tried to peck out her eyes with your bare hands. Now that's what I liked to see. This was the first time I appreciated your being my mother. I think this was also the first time you saw me smile. You were overjoyed. Rui felt sorry for you, I saw it in her eyes as she watched us from behind. She just wants to help you, you know. She is trying desperately to make you see that I am a burden to you, that _I_ will kill you someday.

Maybe I will. I cannot know. I bet you would say it is an honor to die by my hands; the hands of the one you love most.

Or maybe I will be too late with my decision. Because next time I will really reveal ourselves, and then they will be astonished, afraid, angry.

They will separate us, that is for sure. I wonder if they will decide to kill us both or me alone. In the first case, you will die before I get old enough to kill you. In the second, they will all die within a few minutes. If I want to. But maybe I will just kill the one who comes closest to me, to see their scared faces.

Oh.

You are coming. Finally. I'm thirsty.

I was wrong. Someone else is coming, too. More people are coming. I can hear you cry and beg. I can hear Rui's voice and the Elder's among the curious whispers. It seems I won't have to reveal myself; Rui did it for me.

There is light again, but an old, ugly face looks at me instead of yours this time.

"There it is." she grumbles. Our gaze meet, and with my look I let her know that I'm thirsty. Thirsty for her blood.

Her face disappears.

"Take him out." she commands.

"No." I can barely hear your voice. "Please don't…"

"Take him out!"

I am glad to see you again, mom. Don't be afraid, I understand that I won't get food this time. I won't even cry because your hands are shaking madly as you lift me up slowly; your tears, plenty of icy gemstones, tampering on the hard wooden ground below me.

Suddenly, you pull me close to yourself, as close as never before. I see that this time you are not afraid of me, or your life matters little compared to mine. A nice choice. But I won't kill you now. I want to see their decision.

"Please don't take him away from me!" you plead through your tears. "He's precious to me…"

Am I? Well I didn't notice. I bet they didn't either. You could fight, you know. You could grab something sharp and pour their blood for my sake. That would be fun. But you don't to anything other than begging, crying. How pitiful. I'm not even sorry that they take me away from you easily.

Suddenly, the warm and comfortable clothes around me disappear, and it gets freezing cold. Do they want me to kill them so badly?

The old hag holds a necklace with various claws and feathers above me, chanting a few lines in a haste. I start to feel sleepy like never before. Scarcely do I recognize the bandages wrapped around my body. Hey, it is getting tight… too tight…

The confusion fades from my mind soon. Such magic is nothing against me; but it seems _she_ knew it as well. By the time my look finds its focus again, I can't even move. Breathe. I would like to protest, but my powers are gone. I feel magical bandages chaining me. Damn all these koorimes. I manage to put my hands out, but it doesn't help my foul situation; to be honest, they are already freezing.

Rui takes me in her arms and brings me to a much lighter place than before. Through this small hole I can't see anything but her sad face and some snowflakes swirling in the storm.

Don't be sad, Rui. You were the one who denounced mom. You are as evil as me. It is nice to be so evil.

I hear you cry, mom. Somewhere far away. I hear your pleading words too. You are still not fighting properly. What kind of a mother are you, say?

But it's alright. I will come back and kill you to end your sufferings. But I will kill Rui first. I see in her eyes that she knows it. And she is still not afraid of me. A strange woman she is.

She holds a Hirui stone towards me. It's yours. It's calmness. It's warmth. I take it and smile at Rui. I will definitely kill her.

She still knows and she is still not afraid. She looks sad as she releases me.

I see her draw away from me rashly; wild wind roars everywhere. I am falling. Faster and faster. Will it have an end?

Suddenly, like an explosion, water surrounds me, swirling, rumbling deeply, throwing me back to the surface and carrying me far, far away.

It gets silent soon, and the gentle rocking of the water reminds me of your arms, mom.

You really didn't see that I am different from the other babies. You just didn't want to see.

Still, the nourishment you brought me was way better than being as hungry as I am at the moment. The always tense embrace of yours was much warmer than the water is now.

It is getting darker, the water cools down. There is no food around, only the dark shades of the trees traveling above me endlessly, pale moonlight filtering through the foliage.

You used to come to me around this time, while the others were asleep. You took me out, rocked me, sang for me quietly, promising every sweet things I will never desire.

Bye, mom. Until I return to kill you.


End file.
